When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate... .
—William Shakespeare, Sonnet 29
The sky over your head will be bronze, the ground beneath you iron.
Deuteronomy 28:23, NIV
I have never felt so like God wasn't listening, didn't care, wasn't interested, didn't hear, wasn't going to answer me, that my prayers were pointless and simply troubling deaf Heaven, as I do now. I have heard people say this and I've tasted somewhat of it myself, but I am living in the reality of it right now. It's a bewildering seeming complete lack of interest, care, or knowledge of the one particular issue that is weighing on me in constant pain. . .
I don't know, honestly, right now, if God cares about this, knows about it, is listening. Or if my feelings are so wrong and unworthy that God simply is not even going to acknowledge it... or if I am going to emerge at the end of this tunnel stronger, wiser, and with a knowledge of why I had to go through it, and even be able to thank him for it... I just do not know.