I spoke to a friend on the phone last night, a recently-made friend met at my last job, with whom I instantly connected before he announced that he was moving cross-country. He confessed to me in broken tones that he was seriously depressed. A week before, when we'd spoken on the phone, our conversation was the only thing that kept him from harming himself. His life seemed like one endless panorama of suffering, a constant uphill battle which was dragging him down with no hope and no light in sight. Our friendship, he said, was the one good thing in his life.
It's at times like that when I'm so thankful, in an odd way, for what I've gone through in my life. My life, too, seemed like one unbroken record of suffering; at times, I felt that God was seeking to make me an example of suffering, an experiment to see how much pain one human could endure. I felt hopeless, despairing, with no end in sight. For much of my life, I sincerely wanted to die.
But the difference is that I've come out the other side. I've been healed. I'm walking in freedom. I've known and tasted God's love and power. And now, I can turn to someone like my friend, from the other side of the darkness, and say, There is hope. It doesn't have to be this way. You, too, can be free.
At times like that, I wouldn't trade my life for the easiest, most pain-free existence imaginable. For then, who would reach out to the suffering? Who would tell them that there is hope? That the impossible, is possible, with God?
I feel a bit like Paul:
"Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on him and receive eternal life." (1 Timothy 1:15-16)
For "worst of sinners", perhaps substitute "most hopeless of depressives". But even that, too, he can change. And I'm so glad, that I can be an example to those who are walking in those same shoes.
In other stuff, I've recently been reading a blog called "Life in LA". It's an excellently well-written site by a young woman living in Los Angeles. Check it out.