MISS MOOX + time


I have come to the conclusion that one of the things that we as human beings can stand the least is uncertainty.

We can cope with almost anything as long as we have a fairly certain idea of its outcome, or think that we do. Remove the element of certainty, up the stakes of whatever's in question, and we are tailspun into paralyzing fear and anxiety. At least, I am. And I think we all are: a cancer diagnosis, a loved one's descent into the hell of mental illness, a questionable relationship, a friend who's disappeared—all can play havoc with our emotional and physical health.

It stems from our need to be in control: to know what is going to happen, to have some measure of influence over the outcome, to know. To not ever have to worry about what might possibly be, but to be certain that in the end, it's going to turn out all right and we'll understand.

Life isn't that way.

As a Christian, in a tempestuous and often un-faith-filled relationship with God, I know that I ought to be able to trust him with all of the "loose ends" of my life. To know that even if I don't know what will happen, he does, and he's ultimately going to do me good in all of it. Even when bad stuff occurs.

But the truth of it is, I don't. I usually feel like I need to figure it all out. I worry. I fret. I don't believe in my heart that he's got it all under control.

What do you do if you feel that you have no father? That you have to take care of everything all on your own? That otherwise, you'll die?

It's not a nice feeling. It's not the truth, either. Trouble is, I have issues believing that sometimes.

Maybe, I just need understanding.

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Relevant to: Uncertainty + time