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An Open Letter to the Fashion Industry

Dear Sirs and Madames,

Sometime in the last half-century (or more accurately probably, in the last decade), one of your number awoke from a lobotomy (or direct physical attack to the head, or alien abduction, or something equally drastic), and thought, "Low-waisted trousers! The next thing in fashion!"

And somehow, out of all the hare-brained and idiotic ideas which are perpetrated in fashion designers' heads and parade down runways thankfully never to be seen again in the world of humankind, this one survived. And made its way to every single tiny little clothing store on the planet, to become de rigeur for jeans and trousers of every cut. That is, if they are designed for anybody under fifty.

And now, thanks to this unknown genius, it is impossible to buy pants which have more than about two inches of waist. There is not only low, but ultra-low and super-low. And you have no choice but to succumb to this ridiculousness, if you want to buy trousers which are Not Dorky.

Standing up, they rest directly on what I believe are known as the pubic bones. Which is all very well and good. Until you attempt sitting down or bending over, upon which they slide down nicely to reveal about fifteen inches of skin, half of your underwear, and certain anatomical details I won't describe except to say they are commonly known by the same name as those lines that occur at regular intervals in the sidewalk.

Which may be fine for some people. I, however, subscribe to the old-fashioned theory that clothing is actually supposed to cover you. When I buy pants, I want them to be pants. Not leg covers. Anything less may be called Decorative Bits of Hanging for the Human Body, but not clothing. And I don't want to shell out my hard-earned money for it.

There must be other people in the world who find it ironic that trousers cover every single inch of your leg, but up top, where it really counts, they leave you hanging. Literally.

So: Messrs. and Mesdames Fashion Industry, a plea: please, please, by all the Fashion Power invested in you by goodness knows who, would you please come to your senses and determine that the next thing in fashion is going to be jeans with normal waistlines! That are actually cool! That are marketed to people younger than fifty! That cover you not only when you are standing upright but in every other possible contortion of the human body! I'm not talking about the above-the-belly-button styles that were popular up until the eighties, but it would be nice to come closer to that ideal.

Good sense, and irritated consumers everywhere, demand it of you.

A Shopper

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